When You say go I will go, when You say stay I will stay

The morning sun slowly reached its climb over the tall, thick trees like an emerging flame on a candle wick, growing brighter and warmer with its ascend. The clouds hovered low covering the sky with what looked like cotton balls joined together to form a cozy blanket. They moved across the pale blue sky as if they were targeting a specific destination, determined and quick to get there. The breeze stirred the lake water to a gentle wake, revealing gray and blue ripples among the surface. Buried in the shadow of its surrounding trees, the water looked cold and dark. But as the sun stretched out over the trees, it cast a white light on top of the water. Little sparkles of light danced among the ripples, appearing and disappearing as the mild waves rose and fell. The reflection looked like a light show synchronized to a beautiful melody that only nature could hear.

I watched in amazement of the beauty surrounding me. I could almost hear the melody as I gently swayed on the water. Sitting quietly in the kayak listening to the wind tickle the leaves in the trees across the shore, I couldn’t help but feel like I somehow was a part of this environment. I was not just witnessing the sunrise and the clouds and the water play with the wind. I felt a connection, like I was part of the dance. I belonged here. Maybe that is how it is supposed to be. We are all part of God’s creation. Why not feel a connection? Why not feel like a part of this beautiful universe, this amazing planet that God created.

Sometimes stepping away from things can reveal some opportunities to reflect, to meditate, to spend some quality time with God. Jeanine and I retreated for a long weekend to a cabin in New Hampshire to rest and recuperate from a long season of service and ministry. We needed this time after reaching the summit of our call to take care of her father during his years of physical health challenges.

On July 20^th, dad went home. It was a peaceful departure, the way he wanted it to happen. After of month of hospice care in his home, he was constantly with one of his kids or their spouses. Each of us had the opportunity of intimate time with him to talk about days of growing up, reminisce about mom, or even the best way to cook soup. We loved those final days with him and were happy we could surround his bedside during the final moments. Heartbroken, saddened, and fatigued, we were also relieved that his discomfort had ended. Having had a love for Jesus, we know dad is with him and also reunited with mom.

Jeanine and I have had both rough waters and smooth rides during this time, and we feel were blessed by having this call. It was a time of great personal growth, spiritually and emotionally, and we look back with a sense of gratitude.

Our retreat to the New Hampshire cabin has given us time to grieve, to concentrate on each other, and to focus on God and what He has for us next. His message to us right now is to recover. Simply that. Build ourselves back up, solidify our faith, our marriage and ourselves so that we can be the steady foundation we need to be to take on the next challenge He has for us. We look forward to that opportunity when it arises, but for now, we rest. We seek that connection to His creation, to each other, and to Him. Just as Jesus retreated from the crowds to pray and to rest, we too will do the same.

We will continue to post blog updates. Until then we thank so many of you for the much needed encouragement and support over the last few years. Our home is always open for visitors. Come visit us in New England, or for those of you already here, come have dinner! We make very good calzones!

With love,

Mike and Jeanine

The night shift

As I listen to the deep breaths inhaled sometimes in labor and sometimes with ease, I wait for the pattern. The consistent in and out. Slow in, fast out. Sometimes the pattern stops. The breaths grow faint, so faint that I cannot hear. I hold my own breath, waiting. I watch my father-in-law, George, Dad, as he lay motionless in his bed. Then finally a quick intake of oxygen and the pattern continues.

I have time now to reflect on the past 4 years. We left our mission field in South Africa to a new one in New England. To care for Jeanine’s father. He would need the help because he was getting a leg amputated the week we arrived. His right leg, just below the knee. 

A lifelong fight with pain from frostbite from a war long ago. Finally he would be freed from that pain. But it didn’t really work that way. He still had pain, excruciating pain. He would try to massage his toes to help alleviate the pain. But they were no longer there. Phantom pain, but real to him. Then the bypass implanted in his left leg let go, stopping blood flow to his left foot. Broken hearted from his wife passing away not only a few weeks before, he decided he would let the gangrene take over so he could be with her again. But the pain got to be too much and the left leg was cut off above the knee.

The rehab process was slow. Between living with us and an assisted living facility, the years were rocky. He had to learn new ways to do things, learn his limitations and strengths, and we had to learn how to teach him. A stubborn man, but determined. The first year or so, it seems like every time he made progress in recovery or gaining strength, he would get sick or get a urinary tract infection and he would have to start over again. Then after that came the falls. He would forget to lock the wheelchair when he scooted from the bed to chair, or he would fall off the commode on the toilet. I lost count of how many hospital visits he made, and I definitely lost count of how many hours we spend sitting in the hospitals with him.

Such was life. A few good days, a few bad days. Sometimes is was a few good days and a few bad weeks. But he always bounced back. Often in pain and agony, he kept going. When the assisted living facility took away is electric wheelchair, took over his medication disbursement and forced him to have the orderlies wheel him from the dining room and his room, it put him into a deeper depression. With his independence stripped from him and his overwhelming physical struggles, he was dying. On the inside his spirit was dying.

A few months ago he moved to a different assisted living facility in the town where he and his beloved wife had spent their golden years. He knew the area and he loved the facility. With his electric wheelchair returned, he would take “walks” into town and sometimes visit his old buddies at the local pub.

He was back. Alive again. He spirits lifted, his body strong, and his mind clear. I finally got to see real George. The man my wife loves so much. The man she told me stories about from when she was growing up. A man compassionate for others, a man that loved a good joke, and a man that loved his children and loved God.

Only 4 short months later and within a span of a few weeks, he had bladder surgery to remove malignant tumors, muscle biopsy to look for remaining tumors, a congenial heart failure and another UTI. The poor man was worn out. Knowing what the road ahead looks like to get back to where he was, he decided he had had enough.

So now here we are. He sleeps with a pattern of breaths. Slow in, fast out. He has been on hospice for a number of weeks. Accommodating his wish to be home, he is back in his room in the assisted living facility. Ceasing all medication except pills for pain, he waits. At peace with God, at peace with his family, he is ready to go. 

Needing to be on 24 hour watch because he is too weak to eat, and dress, and basically function, dad’s kids and their spouses have taken shifts sitting in his small room in the back corner of the assisted living facility. Exhausted from little sleep, long drives to and from his home and trying maintain our jobs and families, we are each still able to keep going. We are happy to do this. Each one of us know that if they are scheduled to be here, then he is still here. We are eager to soak up as much dad time we can.

Tonight is my shift. He had a good evening. Occasionally he wants to eat something. Tonight I had the privilege to help him eat. As he sat feebly against his pillows, I slowly held the mug of soup to his mouth so he could drink. A few spoonfuls of soft pudding followed. Worn from the effort, he rested between bites. He would wave his hand and slightly open his mouth to tell me he was ready for the next bite. We learned how to communicate while in such a fragile state. I had never felt so close to him before. The intimacy of feeding dad brought me a level with him that I didn’t think I would ever get to. After years of exhaustive care and companionship; years of sitting with him in hospitals for hours into the night; countless weekends, holidays and evenings sacrificed in order to accommodate his needs; and yes, even some resentment from having to leave South Africa to be here for him, I finally at this moment fell in love with dad.

So yes, I will sit in this chair next to his bed as long he has breaths. Loud, labored or quiet, I will sit next to him listening to the pattern. Slow in, fast out.

Cambo, Kiddos, and Cold

There has been so much that has occurred since our last post. Of course that tends to happen when we don’t blog for three months. But there are a few highlights we would like to share.

First of all, we had a spectacular time in Cambodia. Words cannot describe how happy we were to see Ryan, Nikki and the grandkids. We got a much better understanding of their life and their ministry there. The Baillies truly are living their calling in that country.

The timing of our visit was perfect. Ryan and Nikki had a team retreat in Kep (pronounced Kype), a town near the coast, and needed babysitting during their meetings. Turns out Nini and Papa make pretty good sitters, so we piled in the car and took the long trip across the magnificent scenery of Cambodia. The beauty of the countryside can only barely be captured in words like remarkable, stunning, and breathtaking. We hiked the hills with the kids finding incredible views where the jungle met the coast and small islands floated far off in the sea.

The city of Phnom Penh was completely opposite. Lacking any open space, it still had just as much beauty but in a different light. The streets were narrow and lined with buildings, homes, shops and vendor carts selling delicious dried snails. Inter-twinning strings of electrical wire tied the buildings together, some drooping low enough to nearly touch the roofs of vehicles. Random streets would sometimes be closed for a Khmer wedding (they put up huge tents in the middle of the street that completely blocked traffic and would sometimes last a whole week). The city was so crowded that it is easier to travel by moto (a low cc scooter) than by car because we could literally weave through traffic. To put this in perspective, little Zeb had an accident at home that required he get stiches. To get him to the clinic quickly, Nikki decided it would be faster to put the injured but brave Zeb on the moto with Ryan instead of taking him in the car. For many families a single moto would be their only transportation, so it was common to see mom, dad, one or two kids and a baby riding a moto. Zeb and Jaya share Ryan’s seat to get to school everyday.

Definitely a beautiful country with some remarkable accomplishments over the past few decades. We are also so happy to see the Baillies thrive there. Please keep praying for this ministry and subscribe to their updates.

Dad did well with homecare while we were gone, but was certainly happy to have Jeanine back to help him. He is still very strong but has had a few falls out of his wheelchair when transferring from the bed. He suffered only few bumps and bruises. He has had a pacemaker installed and had a quick trip to the hospital for dehydration, but is happy about how things are going lately. He was excited to watch the Puppy Bowl with us on Animal Planet Superbowl Sunday.

On another note, we are happy to say we were able to go see Tim and Lynsi in Virginia this past weekend. Tim was ordained Assistant pastor, which was something we were not going to miss. It was good to see them and the other grandkids. We did have to cut our trip short and come back a little early due to the blizzard that hit New England. An absolutely ridiculous amount of snow (34 + inches) followed by frigid cold temperatures hit last week. Since then, it has snowed two more times adding another foot and reaching a balmy high of 10 degrees.

We have been spoiled from seeing all the kids and grandkids recently. It was a huge blessing that we both truly needed. It has encouraged us to keep going. We are also very uplifted by our church and feel very welcome there. Jeanine has been playing guitar and singing on the worship team. We have also taken on a teaching gig in the children’s ministry.

Now if we can just get the snow to stop falling and get to temperatures above 15 degrees…..

God bless,

Mike and Jeanine (and Riko)

Visiting the family in Cambodia

Phnom Penh

On top of Phnom Penh

Traveling in style

Traveling in style again

Kep jungle

Kep sunset

Ryan taking Zeb and Jaya to school

Violet watching Xander at soccer practice

Xander the musician

Waiting her turn

Day 1 of Blizzard

Fall and Falls

A lot of people dread this time of year. The cooler nights and drying leaves mean only two things: the peaceful, warm summer is gone and the long, cold winter is just ahead. Some things we’ve have learned over the past few years is instead of looking back at what was and peering too far ahead, be sure to notice and embrace what is here now.

The colors that burst from the landscape in New England Fall are breathtaking. There are roads that go under a canopy of trees with streaks of sunlight tickling the pavement. Others are lined with trees so tall it’s like driving in a deep canyon. A few weeks ago only the ferns along the ground had changed into dark red colors. A lone tree would proudly display glowing red leaves standing tall in line with its green neighbors. Then the oaks started changing. Their large leaves turned gradient colors from green to red to yellow, giving it an orange glow. Now all the trees are taking part. There are pink, orange, yellow and red leaves exploding from the scenery. God truly is an artist.

 There are not many updates about dad. He has had a few falls from the wheelchair, giving him a couple bumps and bruises. We are trying to figure out why he is often so tired that he falls over in his chair. Other than that, he is healthy and happy. He has wanted to take a few excursions and visit old friends from his previous neighborhood. His spirits have been high and he is getting along well.

As for us, we are happy to announce that we have been blessed with the upcoming opportunity to go to Cambodia! We will be there for the first two weeks of November and cannot contain our excitement! We will be staying with Ryan and Nikki, seeing their ministry and visiting our grandkids. They have a conference out of town while we are there, so we will get to do some travel within Cambodia and see the countryside. All of us have that familiar feeling we had when we were kids on Christmas Eve: the excitement for the next morning, keeping us awake and restless in our little beds.

We have been blessed with all aspects of the trip. We found visiting nurse care for dad while we are away, which will be covered by Medicare. We were uneasy to tell him we would be gone for a few weeks, anticipating he would be apprehensive, but he received the news with excitement. He is very happy for us. Little Riko will be staying with his aunt and uncle, Pat and Jim. They graciously offered to take him in while we are away. So with just a few more weeks to go, we are finalizing our preparations with grateful hearts for the opportunity.

We will post another update when we return to tell you about our trip. Until then, God bless!

With Love,

Mike and Jeanine Gooch

A Sunday afternoon hiking trip

Mike had a quick trip to Phoenix over Labor Day and met his newest niece

Some of the foliage

Went to dinner with dad. He asked for a side of corn with his chicken. They misunderstood and gave him a side of chicken with his corn.

14 August - Livin' in Clinton

It’s All A Wonder….

My 56th birthday.  The “down-slide to 60”.  Hmmmmm, down-slide?   As I sit here with Riko, I reflect on the fact that while I am past the century mark, life if anything, has sped up not slowed down as I always imagined it would have by this time.  I have lived more in the past 6 years than the 50 before it.  Since turning 50, I married my best friend, become a gramma (5x), lived in South Africa and moved to Massachusetts where I have learned more about the world of senior citizens, dispensing medicine & caring for an amputee than I ever thought I could ever know (this from a Candy striper dropout).   Through it all God has been by our side for the ride. And what a ride it has been.

His timing is perfect as always.  Lessons learned thru faith, peace in the knowing He is always there, Joy in seeing prayers answered.  What am I getting at?  The VA finally came through!   We came down to having $ for 1 more month of rent aaaaand…Dad now receives a pension that will allow him to stay at Sunrise for as long as he wants to.  He is SO happy (and I do mean “happy”) as are we.  This is the first time he says;  “I am so happy here”; “he/she made me laugh at dinner”; “I was teasing the girls at dinner today” ; since my Mom went home to be with Jesus.  He is now starting to decorate his little apartment and had me buy him some new jeans & t-shirts.  It is so wonderful to see him doing well. 

As for Mike & I we are slowly getting used to the “Massachusetts way of life”. Course I am not sure we’ll ever adjust to the humidity…ish.  But, we have been blessed with the opportunity to reconnect with my father, and that in itself has been awesome!  And, God has blessed us with this little town we now call home.  We love going on walks after supper, hanging at Central Park for the Tuesday night concerts, or taking Riko for a run around the rez…..  We have our own little Mayberry here (check out “the Andy Griffith Show” circa 1960-68 for you youngsters) …safe and friendly.  He has led us to a nice little church where the people are warm, worship is awesome & the Word is shared.  Our new life….

And so as we always do, we send you all our thanks.  Actually “thanks” is such a small word.  Your constant support and prayers have been such a blessing to us.  Even after we returned to the US you have been by our side.  Like I said before….His time is perfect, we have learned lessons thru faith, gained peace knowing He is always with us, experienced the joy in seeing our prayers answered AND are comforted by the love & support of family & friends…

Yeah…56 is definitely NOT a down-slide at all

In His Name…

   Jeanine & Mike

 This is our town....

 ...where duck crossings are the 
                                                                                             norm.
  Sunrises and....

 ...sunsets are amazing.

 Tuesday night concerts in the
                                                                             park bring folks together,

 and an awesome view from the rez....

                                      yup this is our town.